We are still learning, most importantly I’m still learning, still trying to realize that in the end I have to be understanding and appreciative of myself before anyone else can. [CDATA[ And are loyal to “until death do us part”. I’ve gained 120 lbs, now have diabetes and other weight-related illnesses…now I’m in my 50s and I feel sick, totally unattractive, old, fat and depressed. They are suffering. So, I have decided to wait until the middle of September and if the situation does not improve, I will call this woman pastor who is a good friend of my wife. Anyway, my current wife was more sexually active before marriage, and she was more active with me before we got married. While she well may be, it perpetuates an oppositional relationship rather than a collaborative one. Now, with my own experience to reflect on, I see sex is much better with my friends that used to laugh at virgins in college and had all the sex they could handle, or got divorced and remarried, or even the ones that stayed single but are living with a girlfriend. I’ve tried to assure him that our marriage is worth the physical pain! In order for us to stand up to the rebellious person, they need to understand that their continued rebellious attitude will bring very unfavorable results to them (such as the spouse who wants to make the marriage work leaving them). OK, first off not interested in the leave her/not leave her thing. He asked me not to apologize again, so I haven’t. As far as I know, there is no definition of “marriage” that includes “celibacy.” Understand also that if this is your approach, you have put your wife in a place where there is honestly no motivation at all for her to change anything. I knew I couldn’t bear any more disappointment in him, so I decided not to have any expectations. In all of my relationships, I was looking for other people to give me approval, rather than living within my strengths (and limitations) and letting them deal with me as I am and as I want to be. He has no solid plan for the future. Who wants to have sex with someone who has no desire for you? She unfortunately never would read anything I gave her or seek out other perspectives that I asked her to—the problem was with me, not her. Last year i had to call the ambulance because he wasn’t feeling right and they told me if i had gone to bed and waited till morning he would have been gone. And in January of 2020, my husband fondled me and never penetrated. I’m glad you like it. No amount of counseling or prayer is going to turn a wife toward her husband with desire. Required fields are marked *. Don’t rule out individual counseling. Julie Ryan was diagnosed with fibromyalgia in 2010 and endometriosis in 2012. She told her husband that she would never go through that again. Of course, I realize that I need all the support and help that i can get for myself for this problem! I’ve gained 60 lbs. I told the important details of my situation but kept it vague enough to be anonymous and signed it as Hopeless Husband. Is My Husband Comparing Me to Former Lovers? It twists me up inside and my old fears sufface. Meanwhile, working to maintain intimacy in a way that matters to her might help you feel less guilty. So far, that has proven correct. God forgave me (though I do not deserve His Grace). If anyone out there is being abused while chronically ill. Go to the hospital the next time they hurt you. I started working out more to release stress. Are you seeking counseling, both as a couple and individually? As many have said in these posts, the constant rejection is much more difficult to bear than a separation. If so, could you please mention what it is and how much experience you have? The sadness is killing me inside. And yet, in our counseling we are suppose to talk to each other about it, and our counseling encourages that. – Increased vulnerability and temptation I finally filed for divorce. In those days, the only way to avoid pregnancy was to not have sex. Danny, How long is it going to be before he rejects her because she’s not enthusiastic enough? Not exactly a secret – and it’s a little tough to believe the wives don’t know. However, our marriage has been sexless…..even almost touchless, for about 8 months. Focusing only on how the changes are affecting you will only lead to increased resentment. You-all have been a lot more available than others in the States to give me godly counseling. If I am sitting and the thought comes, my head sinks almost to the floor, if I am standing, my knees buckle. Oh, to be loved, really loved. I worked hard–not for forgiveness, but to learn to do better and be better going forward. I’m so sorry. Published: August 16, 2018; Last Updated: March 11, 2020. You’re so right that the church should do a better job of addressing refusal to have sex. I have had the “wait until marriage” talk and can give a great talk on why to not have sex until then (pregnancy, STD’s, etc.) I have in the past said “God will have to give me a Red Sea miracle for my marriage to get better.” I just don’t understand why it would be witheld from me when giving him my life. He never guaranteed happiness, that’s true; but I think God’s heart aches for those who are in such a situation. You are in my prayers, brother. I believe that being a “eunuch” helping others is more fulfilling than carrying this “death” inside. I want to encourage you to join a community just for wives with a higher sex drive than their husbands: Hot, Holy & Humorous HD Wives. Having said that, there are lots of very serious consequences of divorce, and each person has to weigh those very carefully. Note also that to want to make love with each other, having time together to refresh your connection with other fun activities or even just “hanging out” helps greatly. If you won’t do it here, then we need help.” And then go to counseling. I got married as a virgin with a very little understanding of what sex was. Dated for 4 years before that. Have you communicated to your wife how miserable you are? AhhHaHaHa! I applaud you for it. Parents are too quick to take sides and burn bridges. It’s THAT simple. And though we are getting counseling, he has no desire to love me properly. He has NEVER initiated any time with me. It might be worth looking at just to have some income of your own. It would be good for him to hear this. I can tell you that there is no place of greater vulnerability than telling the people you live with (I went into high gear on this just before the Christmas holidays, when my two adult sons were in the house visiting) that you’re done with the old crap and going to start living like a new man. It took her until just this year to finally (after years of begging) ask her doctor about pain during sex. I am so sorry that you experienced such pain for so long. I am to a point where I don’t really care anymore. I’m so sorry you’re hurting. The fact is, it was hard to actually be in a sexual situation with my husband. However, I love you, and I love knowing that you want to be with me. I thought she was going to be a very horny wife, but now I often wonder why I got married in the first place. So, 9 years of marriage, and 13 total together. When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”. My efforts to change began around the same time as I began treatment with the right anti-depressant. It’s not a topic she likes to discuss. I prayed for him to have a wife who could love him in the ways that I couldn’t – and that’s exactly what happened.

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