If you become willing to let go of the notion that there is a “right” and “wrong” way of expressing love (aside from abusiveness) and are open to expressing your feelings to your partner in a way that he or she can best receive them, love may arise more naturally. "Gratitude helps remind us of the good qualities in our partners," says Sara Algoe, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. The lesson? Share the blame. 1. Did Your Marriage Counselor Really Say That? Change your thinking and your emotions will follow. Consider ways in which that distress can be transformed into a form of eustress that strengthens your relationship. Be sure to watch your tone of voice, body language and words when you are making a request of your significant other or friend.
A lot of people get into a relationship, and when the butterflies wear off, they get bored, or they get scared that this person must not be the one. What To Do: Budget and do what you can. The Importance of Forgiveness & Resilience in Marriage, 7 Ways to Prepare for a Not-So-Typical Holiday Season Together. And don't let those tropes about lovable, but lazy idiot partners you see on TV be your reality. How It Can Help: If you never let yourself experience stability or stick things out when they're not exciting or fun, you miss out on the joys of deep, long-lasting connection. The idea is that we learn through repeated experiences with our parents and romantic partners what to expect (and not expect) from current relationships. For example, if your parent or previous partner(s) always did something like take out the trash, cook dinner, or pick their socks up off the floor, the absence of these habits in your current partner may stand out to you as being much more important than someone who was not “taught” to have these expectations in relationships. Learn more about Dr. Gunzburg, a licensed psychologist doing marriage counseling in Baltimore, Maryland. If the messiness bothers you significantly, choose to reframe the situation by reminding yourself of positive behaviors that you appreciate in your partner that are much more important. When you view your marriage as a way to honor God and show His love, it changes everything.
Little actions help build a reservoir of goodwill that will keep your relationship replenished. It places little value on faithfulness or steadfastness. Your partner is not responsible for the way that you were raised, your past relationship history, your belief system, or your sense of yourself as an individual. And that includes the relationship you have with yourself. Take stock of your relationship. Then lets us explore some tips for changing your attitude to make your relationship better. How It Can Help: When your attitude is that your partner enhances your life but isn't your everything, you keep your friends, maintain your hobbies and interests, and basically do you. There may be ways you need to change. 10 Ways to Perk Up Your Relationship ... like a silly facial expression or a change in tone. I've laid out some common positive attitudes that you can shift your thinking to, as well as why they matter and some concrete steps to help get you there. He said it is not good for man to be alone. It is the sum total of living each day on purpose. How It Can Help: Equality is a beautiful thing. positivity, Use each problem as a way to learn about yourself, your partner or friend and the conflict you are working through.

Take a step back and honestly appraise the degree to which your partner creates messiness in their own personal “domain” (e.g., their personal office or closet) versus messiness for all members of the household to experience. Nothing says "bad attitude" in a relationship like refusing to admit when you are wrong. It exemplifies that if you’re not happy, you have a right to look elsewhere. Make up your mind! That's not necessarily the case. Just because your partner has learned what love looks like or feels like differently than you have, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the love you desire is not authentically present behind his or her actions. As you become increasingly in tune with your true feelings, values, and dreams, allow “ wise mind ” …

"But gratitude can work as a booster shot, injecting positive emotion into the relationship. By making your life more satisfying, you take pressure off your relationship to be your sole source of happiness. By Darby Saxbe Ph.D. published November 1, 2009 - last reviewed on June 9, 2016. You absolutely deserve love and happiness. ", "A lot of people express their appreciation in self-absorbed ways," Fredrickson says. Change your attitude, change your marriage. It’s a choice, and it may not always feel like the right one, but our feelings are fickle and ever-changing. It’s the only institution He created aside from His church and, because of that, He calls His followers to live by high standards.

Couples who seek to increase the good in their relationships, concentrating on sharing fun and meaningful experiences together, promoting growth and development in the relationship, and creating satisfaction and intimacy ("approach-oriented goals"), fare better than couples focused on ducking the negatives ("avoidant-oriented" goals), says Emily Impett, a researcher at UC Berkeley. Traditionally, couples research has focused more on minimizing negatives (arguments, emotional distance, infidelity) than on maximizing positives. Positive Psychology: Is It "Saccharine Terrorism"? Remember to tease in a way that's playful, not hostile; use nonverbal cues that convey you're having fun, like a silly facial expression or a change in tone. It is important to recognize that when you enter into a romantic relationship with another individual, you bring with you a large body of personal values, goals, expectations, personality traits, and temperament that are all your own. You'll not only get closer to your ideal self—you'll also feel closer to your partner. While there are certainly a host of serious issues that can plague the core of any relationship, it is often the case that problems begin to appear larger than they truly are due to the attitude that we take toward them, the responsibility that we assume for the role we play in the relationship dynamic, and the meaning or interpretation that we assign (consciously or otherwise) to our partners’ behaviors. Everyone is guilty of this. So if you're annoyed by a partner's long-standing habit—say, stealing the covers in the middle of the night—try teasing. I’m not proposing that you never fight; in fact, at times, fighting is necessary, but it doesn’t have to leave damaging words and broken hearts in its path. This interpretive stance may be experienced as a tendency to take your partner’s behaviors very personally, perceiving each irritating or unwanted behavior as a personal slight.

The payoff is great: more fun, more growth, better sex, and more sustained intimacy. 1314 Bedford Avenue, Suite 113, Baltimore, Maryland, 21208. In the Museletter, I Share My Personal Experiences with Mindfulness in My Own Life! Share the work. How do you see yourself working with and respecting others? FAQ Of course you want your partner to think you're beautiful, but it really only matters that you think it. "If you're going through a rough patch, often the most effective thing that you can do is to lovingly remove your attention from the relationship—period," says Susan Biali, wellness coach and author of Go back to that time and remember the fun that you had together. Provide the SYMBIS Assessment to the couples in your care starting today.

For most, an honest self-evaluation will reveal the problem, but some people will struggle to recognize how they sabotage their success with potential dates. Take time to smell the roses, and perhaps learn how to increase marriage intimacy. A good marriage doesn’t just happen.

2020 Bustle Digital Group. Positivity God loves marriage. Relationships should not be solely one-sided, and a one-sided relationship can quickly deteriorate. Having a good attitude is a daily, if not minute-by-minute, choice–and a powerful one at that. Your partner isn't a child you have to look after, a master you have to serve, a doofus you have to deal with, or god you have to worship. When non-football-fans watch a game while writing down new things they notice about the players and the stadium, they become more enthusiastic about the sport, Langer found. Blessing's work has appeared in various online publications. You may not always achieve all the positives you seek—but it's enough to realize that positivity is important and to set goals reflecting that. Partners stuck in a "one-note song" should move towards greater positivity by seizing "micro-opportunities" to connect, she says. It makes life easier, and more fair, but also more enjoyable.

A simple "listening touch" exercise, in which partners gently touch each other's neck, shoulders, and hands, increases oxytocin, a hormone that facilitates bonding, and reduces partners' blood pressure and physiological stress levels, found a team of researchers from Brigham State University and the University of Utah. So much about healthy relationships boils down to the attitudes that we bring to the table, and our attitudes are a direct outflow of the condition of our hearts.

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